Sorry I haven't posted since 9/9. It turns out someone forgot to wake me up when September ended, but fret not, this is My December. I have a lengthier post in the ol' pipeline right now, but she's waiting on some photographic accompaniments so until then you get this young buck.
Someone once said to me, "Hey! You should write a blog about cancer and you're struggle with it!" and I responded, "lolfuckthatbro." I didn't want to for a lot of reasons, but mostly I just don't really care to talk about it. If someone brings it up and wants to talk about what's going on, I can and will give you an earful. I'm in a real unique and bizarre situation so I fully understand all of the curiosity...
...especially the morbid musings. We all sort of know what cancer is. We hear it all the time on commercials, TV, the NFL, and, more importantly, our day to day life. Most of us don't really know what it entails, but we know what the end results usually are. You get diagnosed, you get pumped full of poison, and then you usually die, but not without being given the opportunity to yank a few mores years out of Death's grasp and live a bit longer, reflect on your past, present, and potential future, mend up relations, and yatta yatta yatta. We're also told that the extra years you're provided usually are full of pain, sadness, and feeling like shit. While that is sort of true, it's mostly horseshit. I just want everyone to know that.
There's really only one thing to do when you're given such news and it sure as shit isn't crying, moping, and being a total Debbie Downer. The only way to take it is for what it is and that's a second chance, a gift, hitting the pause button to reassess your life, and learn to get the fuck over it. As weird as this probably is to hear, it's probably harder to say it, but this whole cancer mess might be the best thing to ever happen to me. It's brought my family closer together, afforded me an entirely different outlook on life (and it's really no where near as bleak as we are all led to believe,) I've never taken care of my body this well or have felt this good before in my life, but most importantly it gave me chance after chance after chance to look those who are (allegedly) far more knowledgeable than I am right in the eye and give them one big, fat "Told you so. lol."
Seriously, you all know how much I like giving the ol' ITYS card so this has really been a great run. I think I've done a good job of keeping my head on straight and staying sane, driven, excited, and optimistic. I've obviously taken some hits and have had my challenges along the way, but this journey has been easier than I thought and a total gift, all things considered, and as much as I'd like to take credit for doing it on my own, I can't. As many of you know, an incredible, incredible human being was just taken away from us by the name of Craig Sager. As much as I've leaned on my immediate support system over the past 18 months, there hasn't been a soul in the world that I've looked up to more than Craig Sager. When this all started for me, I honestly felt like I was very capable and very well-equipped to handle this and I don't think I was wrong about that, but having a high level of confidence coupled with the continuation of proving doctors, doubters, and delusionals wrong can take you places where people shouldn't go very often. I felt invincible, almost infallible even, like how can anyone be doing better than this? I was even called an X-Man which means I'm one step closer to reaching my goal of becoming Hugh Jackman.
Then the news of Craig Sager's diagnosis came to fruition. He was 63 at the time and needed radiation therapy, bone marrow transplants, dialysis, the whole fucking nine, ya got it? That's tough shit. that's real tough (wo)man shit. That's tough to endure at any age, let alone 63, but the way Craig Sager went about it was truly remarkable. His attitude was some next level shit. His tact, his poise, his unfailing optimism, his ambition, and ever present smile truly made him my rock. I don't often complain, I don't often get sad, miserable, or whatever synonym you want to drop here. I've tried to remain stoic and pragmatic, and mostly cheerful, but even I have moments of weakness. It is shockingly easy to talk yourself into complacency, or into giving up, or this, that, and the other. Whenever any sort of negative thoughts entered my head, I immediately turned to Craig Sager and without fail he inspired me to pin back my ears, grab my lunch box, and go to work. His infectious cheerfulness, humor, and lightheartedness were hard NOT to catch and the best part about it is that it wasn't a farce, a gimmick, or a facade. As I'm sure anyone who watches basketball know that that's just who the guy was. He always had a smile, a joke, a hug, or a laugh to give. If players or coaches ever gave him a hard time or tried pushing his buttons, he laughed it off. Even in his darkest hours, being challenged by something bigger than he's ever encountered, he STILL remained who he was and never let his convictions falter. When people say "Be better," they're referring to the benchmark that Craig Sager set. Everyone needs a hero and he's mine.
This post was supposed to be me telling everyone about my recent computer issues and that I will have a post talking about the morbidity, side effects, and all that juicy goodness of cancer. Someone told me I should write about the goings on behind the scenes because there might be someone out there that needs to hear them and I didn't really understand that concept until I realized that even I needed someone. The post clearly turned into something much more than that and it still isn't about photography. If I'm being honest it's getting a bit hard for me to write right now and I've already gotten too emotional for my liking so I'm going to have to put the rest of what he meant to me on hold for now. Here's one of my favorite quotes of his
“If I’ve learned anything through all of this, it’s that each and every day is a canvas, waiting to be painted — an opportunity for love, for fun, for living, for learning."
-Craig Sager
I will run with the bulls in Pamplona, I will race Andretti in Indianapolis. I will climb the Great Wall of China. I will wrestle gators in Florida. I will sail the ocean with Ted Turner (probably someone else.) I will swim the oceans in the Caribbean. I won't jump out of airplanes over Kansas though, fuck that. Call me King Louie 'cause I wan'na be like you, Craig.
To once again quote you,
“I will never give up, and I will never give in. I will continue to keep fighting, sucking the marrow out of life, as life sucks the marrow out of me. I will live my life full of love and full of fun. It’s the only way I know how.”-Craig Sager
RIP You beautiful man.
P.S. Oh, and I don't plan on dying, folks.
