On Photograp...Gotcha! On Attitude. On Meditation. sort of?

Who Knows, really?  


     I have two months of blog post topics planned, laid out, and in a format for me to stick to, but each week I look at it and just give it the finger. I might be the most irresponsible blogger of all time. Do I count as a blogger if I'm the only one who reads it? Well...the answer to that is addressed in this blog! Sort of.

   Today it's all about attitude. Objectively speaking, my life sort of sucks. I was living the dream as a world renowned thespian in Los Angeles when out of no where my colon was tickled by the kiss of cancer. I had to throw away my dream, abandon the progress I've made, and move back into my parents' house in Arizona. I've also been unemployed for over a year, which sounds great, but it gets old. I'll address that in the forthcoming photography post.

"My colon was tickled by the kiss of cancer."

    That was the most satisfying use the a) the quote function, and, b) Comic Sans.

    I think everything is awesome. I'm awesome, you're awesome, my dogs are awesome, your dogs are second place awesome, everything is awesome. I don't always show it, but I truly, truly love everyone I meet and everything that's come into my life. I know that sounds like hyperbole, but the amount of appreciation that I have for literally everything that I've experienced is...large. How's that for a adjective based let down?

     I meditate two to three times per day. Mindfulness Meditation when I wake up and before bed and various moments of self reflection drizzled in throughout the day . The two MM sessions keep me focused, grateful, and open, but the fleeting moments of loneliness that I spend with myself are where the real magic happens. I quickly, deliberately draw upon every problem in my life and deeply focus on each one. I then let them all go and quickly, deliberately draw upon every blessing in my life and deeply focus on each one. If you're being honest, it will be overwhelming and incredibly emotional.
I'll do a quick on on having cancer: I was swimming in the ocean of cancer past all the things about it that I can't change and I arrived on the shore of Friendship Island.

“…fleeting moments of loneliness that I spend with myself are where the real magic happens”

Honestly, and I'm crying now, cancer has been one of my biggest blessings, too. It threatened so much of my year. It threatened to not let me see my best friend marry the love of his life, it threatened to not let me meet my brand new nephew or to see the unadulterated look of happiness on my sister's and mom's faces, it threatened to abandon my loving girlfriend in a desert by herself, it threatened to take my parents baby boy from them, it threatened to take Brody and Gertie's dad away from them.

     Friendship Island is my favorite place in all of Cancer Ocean. To use my buddy's wedding for example; I was a walking ball of happiness and anxiety the entire night. I was so, so, so happy for him. periodically though, as I looked around at everyone dancing, I broke down into a peculiar dump of emotion. You see, one of the doctor's that I first sought an opinion from gave me a pretty fresh three month time line. I said no to her or course, but oncologists don't just make up their estimates, they do come from somewhere, so the severity of it all was very apparent. When I coupled that feeling of surrealism with the happiness I was experiencing, it made me realize: I almost wasn't there, I almost wasn't able to watch my best friend walk down the aisle. I almost wasn't there for my best friend if he needed me. That idea brought me to tears whenever it came to mind (currently) but the benefit of it all...I am still here! Just that very brief thought, and it is brief, has opened my eyes to just how much I care about those in my life. It's a very vague description and I'll elaborate in a forthcoming YouTube Channel with the BruCrewBros, but it allows me to participate in each moment deliberately in ways that I could never have imagined.

“Friendship Island is my favorite place in all of Cancer Ocean.”

I truly believe that this method of deeply experiencing your sorrow and following that up with deeply experiencing your happiness is one of the most refreshing things I've ever done and can be scaled accordingly, of course, because problems are all relative.

     Stay Tickled

-Safford McGivens