Problems

Well it seems I'm updating this less and less. I'm going to do my best to change that, but for whatever reason writing is not coming easy to me anymore. Writer's block of the century! So for the time being, ya'll (read: me) are stuck with whatever the fuck this is:

PROBLEMS.

Sometimes you need to give yourself a pep talk

Look at yourself in the mirror and say

“Go ahead and bring that chin up.”

The world’s not all fun and games.

Seems good times are few and the bad comes in waves

It’s up to me and you to see one another through

She’s a cruel one, the mistress we call life.

She rubs your back before driving in the knife

No excuses, play like a champion.

Look to one another to lean on

There’s no better way to end the day

Knowing that in some little way

You helped someone who went astray.

We all need a little bit of guidance

A little bit of help now and then

Has helped millions of (wo)men

Get over a millon of problems.

Brought to you by the font Arial

In Memoriam Craig Sager

Hey team!

     Sorry I haven't posted since 9/9. It turns out someone forgot to wake me up when September ended, but fret not, this is My December. I have a lengthier post in the ol' pipeline right now, but she's waiting on some photographic accompaniments so until then you get this young buck.

     Someone once said to me, "Hey! You should write a blog about cancer and you're struggle with it!" and I responded, "lolfuckthatbro." I didn't want to for a lot of reasons, but mostly I just don't really care to talk about it. If someone brings it up and wants to talk about what's going on, I can and will give you an earful. I'm in a real unique and bizarre situation so I fully understand all of the curiosity...

...especially the morbid musings. We all sort of know what cancer is. We hear it all the time on commercials, TV, the NFL, and, more importantly, our day to day life. Most of us don't really know what it entails, but we know what the end results usually are. You get diagnosed, you get pumped full of poison, and then you usually die, but not without being given the opportunity to yank a few mores years out of Death's grasp and live a bit longer, reflect on your past, present, and potential future, mend up relations, and yatta yatta yatta. We're also told that the extra years you're provided usually are full of pain, sadness, and feeling like shit. While that is sort of true, it's mostly horseshit. I just want everyone to know that.

     There's really only one thing to do when you're given such news and it sure as shit isn't crying, moping, and being a total Debbie Downer. The only way to take it is for what it is and that's a second chance, a gift, hitting the pause button to reassess your life, and learn to get the fuck over it. As weird as this probably is to hear, it's probably harder to say it, but this whole cancer mess might be the best thing to ever happen to me. It's brought my family closer together, afforded me an entirely different outlook on life (and it's really no where near as bleak as we are all led to believe,) I've never taken care of my body this well or have felt this good before in my life, but most importantly it gave me chance after chance after chance to look those who are (allegedly) far more knowledgeable than I am right in the eye and give them one big, fat "Told you so. lol."

     Seriously, you all know how much I like giving the ol' ITYS card so this has really been a great run. I think I've done a good job of keeping my head on straight and staying sane, driven, excited, and optimistic. I've obviously taken some hits and have had my challenges along the way, but this journey has been easier than I thought and a total gift, all things considered, and as much as I'd like to take credit for doing it on my own, I can't. As many of you know, an incredible, incredible human being was just taken away from us by the name of Craig Sager. As much as I've leaned on my immediate support system over the past 18 months, there hasn't been a soul in the world that I've looked up to more than Craig Sager. When this all started for me, I honestly felt like I was very capable and very well-equipped to handle this and I don't think I was wrong about that, but having a high level of confidence coupled with the continuation of proving doctors, doubters, and delusionals wrong can take you places where people shouldn't go very often. I felt invincible, almost infallible even, like how can anyone be doing better than this? I was even called an X-Man which means I'm one step closer to reaching my goal of becoming Hugh Jackman.

    Then the news of Craig Sager's diagnosis came to fruition. He was 63 at the time and needed radiation therapy, bone marrow transplants, dialysis, the whole fucking nine, ya got it? That's tough shit. that's real tough (wo)man shit. That's tough to endure at any age, let alone 63, but the way Craig Sager went about it was truly remarkable. His attitude was some next level shit. His tact, his poise, his unfailing optimism, his ambition, and ever present smile truly made him my rock. I don't often complain, I don't often get sad, miserable, or whatever synonym you want to drop here. I've tried to remain stoic and pragmatic, and mostly cheerful, but even I have moments of weakness. It is shockingly easy to talk yourself into complacency, or into giving up, or this, that, and the other. Whenever any sort of negative thoughts entered my head, I immediately turned to Craig Sager and without fail he inspired me to pin back my ears, grab my lunch box, and go to work. His infectious cheerfulness, humor, and lightheartedness were hard NOT to catch and the best part about it is that it wasn't a farce, a gimmick, or a facade. As I'm sure anyone who watches basketball know that that's just who the guy was. He always had a smile, a joke, a hug, or a laugh to give. If players or coaches ever gave him a hard time or tried pushing his buttons, he laughed it off. Even in his darkest hours, being challenged by something bigger than he's ever encountered, he STILL remained who he was and never let his convictions falter. When people say "Be better," they're referring to the benchmark that Craig Sager set. Everyone needs a hero and he's mine.

    This post was supposed to be me telling everyone about my recent computer issues and that I will have a post talking about the morbidity, side effects, and all that juicy goodness of cancer. Someone told me I should write about the goings on behind the scenes because there might be someone out there that needs to hear them and I didn't really understand that concept until I realized that even I needed someone. The post clearly turned into something much more than that and it still isn't about photography. If I'm being honest it's getting a bit hard for me to write right now and I've already gotten too emotional for my liking so I'm going to have to put the rest of what he meant to me on hold for now. Here's one of my favorite quotes of his

“If I’ve learned anything through all of this, it’s that each and every day is a canvas, waiting to be painted — an opportunity for love, for fun, for living, for learning."
                                               -Craig Sager 

I will run with the bulls in Pamplona,  I will race Andretti in Indianapolis. I will climb the Great Wall of China. I will wrestle gators in Florida. I will sail the ocean with Ted Turner (probably someone else.) I will swim the oceans in the Caribbean.  I won't jump out of airplanes over Kansas though, fuck that. Call me King Louie 'cause I wan'na be like you, Craig.

To once again quote you,

“I will never give up, and I will never give in. I will continue to keep fighting, sucking the marrow out of life, as life sucks the marrow out of me. I will live my life full of love and full of fun. It’s the only way I know how.”

                                                           -Craig Sager

RIP You beautiful man.

P.S. Oh, and I don't plan on dying, folks.

On Writing: Alliteration

Hey, team,

     It's my first post! The point of this blog is to give you all a view through the window to my heart, mind, body, and soouuullll baby while also providing myself an outlet to freely express my thoughts and emotions in a way that's meaningful and practical to me. It will typically revolve  around various things going on in my life like writing (today's!,) my relationships, my adventures, and dealing with my back and forth dance with the devil (Cancer. More on that later. It's pretty juicy.)

         Writing is a beautiful tool that everyone can used as an art form to express themselves, use as a journal for stress relief, or assist you in telling a story. Like everything, everyone can be good at it if they try hard enough. You may never be GREAT, but you can definitely be GOOD through constant practice. In conjunction with this blog, I like to give myself periodic writing exercises. They can be little things like writing a short poem, writing a story with alliteration (today's!,) or writing a micro story about an inanimate object on the desk in front of me (or you?) 

   The reason I like to do alliteration exercises is because it puts your brain under duress from constantly looking for seldom used words for familiar ideas. It thrusts you into unfamiliar territory and really makes you flex the ol' vocabulary to get some extra use out of your words. It allows you to keep your head full of ideas and forces you to keep the tip of your pen wet.

"Living life lavishly lately, I’ve looked longingly

 for the fictitious forces being fantastically fabricated from our own flight of fancy. I’m fastened to the

 insightful illumination that inspiration is an illusion, intelligence is insincere, and intellectuality is an invention. Ingenuity, intellect, and imagination are extinct. 

I may have lost my marbles by milking my mind dry from meditating on all of the misery and misgivings of the masses.

 I've potentially given some punk the power to pillage and plunder my proclamations. He’ll push back my prophecies as punitive and penal. When that happens,

 the world we wanted without exception will be wrecked. The wallowing, the woeful, and the weary will rise up while we wait like wax statues wondering what went wrong. 

Reality is repeatedly in front of you rightfully resting for a revolutionary to reach for a rifle and reignite a new renaissance to reinvigorate the rank-and-file to decipher their new, 

distinct delusions as day dreams or as dire designs for a new de facto destination."

   

     It's always tough showing anyone something personal and writing is no exception. Even something as simple as the above exercise is deeply personal and a reflection of my skill as a writer and of my feelings. It feels good to get it out there.

So, remember...

Keep your head full and your tip wet.

-Safford McGivens