On Writing: Vulnerability

Not really a post. Not really anything. I wrote this thing in my head a few minutes ago. I want to post it now before I edit any of it to keep its sincerity. I don't have many moments of weakness, but I have a whole lot of pep talks. This is a spoken word style pep talk, I suppose. This is very personal and it's taking a lot to post this. I don't like showing vulnerability.

24.

got diagnosed with colon cancer

Put a damper on my journey of looking for all the answers.

Fuck it's such a heavy cross to carry.

Ya boy can't even eat red meat or dairy!

    Looking to the heavens
         waiting to see if He hears my plea.

        
                 Dear Dad, Why have you forsaken me?

It’d be great to have someone pull me along, but fuck it
If not I’ll do all of this alone.

Fuck it's such a heavy burden to bear.

  Only He knows if I can make it through this scare.

       Getting so lost I started smoking trees.

            Looking where to go asking please, please,

                                                                    PLEASE!

I don’t care what the docs say
You’ve all been wrong anyway.
Ya’ll said I had 3 months left to live
I told you I had a bottomless pit of shits I don’t give.

Nothing can make a heart of gold go cold.

Even if smoking dope to cope with losing hope
is getting so damn old.

I've got the strength of 13 men.
I don’t give a fuck if I have bad luck,
Even this can't do me in.

Eyes on high, piercing through the sky

Looking to the heavens and asking "Why?

   What did I do to deserve this mess?"

Dressed head to toe in my Sunday’s best,
   I’ve looked the Devil in the eye and spit in his face,
      Even he can’t keep up with my pace.

Give me all of the legions of hell
I’ll put all you fucks under the same damn spell
What attempt is this?
     First,
           Second,
                    third,
                        Fourth,
                                 Fifth?

Fuck it, go for a sixth.
Hate it break it, Lucy, I'm not the guy you want to dance with.